10 signs it's time to move on
Break ups are hard. Divorce is hard. Ending a relationship no matter what, is hard. However, no matter how much of a "mind f*ck" it is, we have to learn to let go. Here are 10 signs that maybe you're not as moved on as you thought you were.
May I quickly tell you again about my terrible divorce ...... No. Please don't.
They can't seem to wrap their head around why you allow yourself, STILL, to get so emotional over someone who is no longer a part of your life. You see how hurt they feel when you've put them in compromising situations you shouldn't have. Stop sabotaging the person you love, over old wounds from the past.
1. Your friends and family are tired of hearing about it.
They were there throughout the relationship, in all its ups and downs. They heard about all the fights and tears - they've done their time. And, while it hurts to hear the cold hard truth, what they're giving you - is tough love. You need it.
2. You're tired of hearing yourself talk about it.
You hear yourself telling the same story, to yet another person, victimizing yourself. You lament about how poorly you were treated, looking for yet another source of sympathy and pity. You've been on the receiving end of that for long enough - STAHP.
3. You look for constant reasons to bring it up, with coworkers, strangers, or neighbours.
4. You seek out new or old friends, for fresh ears knowing they haven't heard the continued obsessions and fixations.
They give you the sympathy card you're looking for, but intuitively you know it feels wrong, because they're unknowingly enabling and perpetuating a scab you won't stop picking at. Stop picking.
5. More than one person tells you they're worried you're holding on to the past.
We've all heard the saying - "the past is like looking into the rearview mirror of your car - it's good to glance back to see how far you've come, but you'll miss out on what's right in front of you if you stare too long".
6. You still creep your ex on social media.
You KNOW how unhealthy this is, yet again, you love to self sabotage and welcome the pain. You've felt a world of pain and more...why bring it upon yourself? Self restraint really does serve a purpose in this case.
7. You look for reasons to reach out to your ex.
But the dentist didn't have his number so I HAVE to call to let him know. No girl, you don't. Surely, somehow, they can find his number to ensure he gets in for that teeth cleaning. His oral health, or ANYTHING, ain't your problem anymore.
8. It's hurting your new partner.
9. You still allow the judgements of your ex to impact your goals and lifestyle.
You don't live in a big house anymore - who cares. You don't own three motorcycles and two snowmobiles anymore - so what. What do you have is true happiness, a life no longer shackled by a large mortgage and debt up to your eyeballs, replaced by sweet, utter, pure and blissful simplicity. A life where you can be unapologetically yourself and make all of your own choices. Now that's truly invaluable.
10. You still get a little scared and nervous when you run into your ex's friends or family.
Does this feel as awkward for them as it does for me? Should I hide ?! Is it worth going over to say hi and having an uncomfortable conversation? Or do we pretend they don't exist, risking looking super petty? Treat others how you want to be treated - hold your head hi, say hello, and move on. Keep it simple.
Moving on from an ex is an unfathomably difficult thing to do, something I never quite envisioned being as hard as it is. My promise to myself was to not compartmentalize and pretend I was fine, I wanted to heal in an authentic way so that the scabs didn't burden or impact me negatively in the future. However, we reach a certain point where we just feel ready that it's time to finally let go and remember that part of your life as just one chapter. There are many more to come!
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